I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
