dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Randomize
