I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize