I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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