I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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