He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize