i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
