Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
