She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
