she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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