i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
