I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
