and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
