I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
