That's when you crack a 10am beer
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize