Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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