I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
