My friends, they love my intelligence
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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