He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
And my parents said I crawled through the house
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
