I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
