So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
