Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
