Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
