Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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