I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
