On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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