I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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