i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
