Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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