Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize