So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
