Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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