Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
