I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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