Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
