Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
