I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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