I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
