we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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