im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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