I wanna passion pit in your ass
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
