scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
