How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
