he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
