my phone needs a breathalizer
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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