Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
