Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
