Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize