he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
