my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
