first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
