I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
