Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
