I don't usually arrange sex via text message
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize
