last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
