the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize