just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
