i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
