He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
