yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
jump out the window naked night went bad
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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