The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
