Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize