Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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