i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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