omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I am puke
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize