I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
