This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize