I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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