this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
