How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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