I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
